They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Dicks are not precious.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
