Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
