Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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