you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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