I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
