is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
