it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
