Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
