just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
