i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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