Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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