HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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