11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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