if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
