Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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