He is such a slut. More and more my type.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
