i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
