we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
