forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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