I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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