can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
