it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
