Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
