i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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