I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
