Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
