She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
