oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
