i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
