i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
