He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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