I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
