6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
