mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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