Can i not drive my cunt home
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
