Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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