Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
