He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You took a bar mat shot.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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