Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
