I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
im six kinds of drunk right now
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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