He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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