Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
