i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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