Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
