so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
