I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Are we still banned from the library?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
