I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I currently don't understand fingers.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
