I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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