I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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