very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
