so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
