I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
