if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I touched a dick in church today
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
