So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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