According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
