her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
