i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Do vagina's smell?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
