My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
