I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
The beer is more important than you right now.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
