i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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