i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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