it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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