Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
