you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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