I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
