Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
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