I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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