it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
