I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
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it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
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He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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